Well, last night was weigh in...to date, 17lbs. That is just 7 this month and 10 last month. I lost 10lbs prior to joining WW's. That being said, I was disappointed. Yeah, you heard me, I was really hoping I'd lost more weight. My average is a little over 2lbs per week. I KNOW this is exactly what I NEED to be loosing to reach my goal for Amanda's wedding....but in my mind, I thought it would come off quicker. You know, "The more you have to loose, the quicker it comes off"...well, that's a bunch of shit! The whole way home last night I was thinking, FUCK! I have worked my ass off on the treadmill, I've said NO to sooooooo much food this month ( all the goodies at work AND at home in my fridge) I've been journaling EVERYTHING I eat and drink and speaking of drink, I've had almost NO alcohol. I missss myyyy beeeerrrrr! I have really done well, so I thought, I DESERVED to have lost more. Turns out, I was wrong. I needed a good night sleep to have a clearer mindset this morning. Here it is: I've lost almost 20 lbs, FUCK YES! This is the FIRST holiday in 5 years I HAVEN'T gained one single pound, but instead, I've LOST weight!!! I've been making excellent food choices that are slowly turning into a lifestyle change for me AND my family. We're ALL eating healthier. I've started exercising again and I've making progress. I feel stronger and I'm working on my new LEANER body. Instead of spending this holiday season, eating on my couch watching holiday movies, I've been loosing FAT and getting healthier. Those are HUGE victories and I have MUCH to be celebrating today.
It's so easy in this day and time to feel discouraged. Look at all those damn adds for weight loss pills and shakes. I know I have a long way to go, when I see them and my initial response is, "Yeah, I could loose 58lbs in 3 months like Tara if I don't change a thing, but just take some Sensa." Their all around us, adds for things I KNOW do not work. I KNOW scientifically, Weight Watchers is PROVEN and it works, the end. I don't have to buy prepackaged food, I don't take pills, I don't drink shakes. I simply eat healthier and exercise. Why is it we always want the easy way out? We're willing to spend ridiculous amounts of hard earned money on products that promise us HEALTH, but in reality, they do not deliver. Of ALL the people I know and follow online who have LOST weight and KEPT IT OFF, they have ALL, let me repeat, ALL done it the old fashioned way. They ate less, ate healthier and exercised. Soooo, in the end, after all the money I've spent, how am I loosing weight? Yup, the way I ALWAYS knew how, the hard way. I know I won't reach my goal for 2 years. Yes 2 years, I've done the math. To really reach my goal in a REALISTIC way, it will take 2 years. And THAT is why people give up and opt for a pill or a shake. They (we) don't want to do the hard work. We want it NOW. I am having to do something I've never done, something I'm not good at all...I have to be patient.
I'm a visual girl. I need to SEE the picture to help me "wait"on the outcome. Soooo, I'm viewing my 2 year weight loss plan as one of my vacation trips I LOVE soooo much to plan. I'm viewing it as a trip I have to plan, save for and dream about. I've done it before with trips. I'm planning one now to Vegas for my wife's 40th BD. I can do this. I'll have mini goals to work towards. The first one is my daughter's wedding. My goal is to be 57 lbs thinner. I can do this. I've got 5 months and a WHOLE lotta determination. My second goal is VEGAS, just 6 weeks after the wedding. I'd like another 10lbs off for that one. THEN, the following summer we're doing a CRUISE and I WILL look amazing on that trip. We've always wanted to cruise but something has always come up. Now, I have some trips to work towards...my goals. I can see myself at my daughter's wedding, I've already picked out my DREAM gown. I may never wear it, but in my MIND, I am picturing myself in it. This really makes it all seem real to me, having very specific goals, seeing myself wearing specific things.
I read THE SECRET years back and I have to say, I've applied those principals in ALMOST everything and it has worked for me...for us. My wife is a positive person as well. She read the book and also believes in those principals. I however, did NOT apply them for my weight loss. This comes back to, I wanted IT now, not later. I wasn't willing to do the HARD work for it. Things have changed for me...this year was eye opening for me. I knew, after seeing my wedding pictures that those would be the last pictures of me at this weight. I was done feeling sorry for myself and done waiting for a miracle. I AM my miracle, my WILL to do this is stronger than any pill or shake. Those things can't change how I think, they can't choose healthier things to eat, and they can't make my body lean and strong. Only I can do those things..and my time is now.
So, here I am, almost at the end of the Christmas holiday season and I am more than happy that I'm ALMOST 20lbs thinner. I am thankful for a partner who met me 30lbs thinner and loves me MORE today, than she did when I was a few sizes smaller. I'm thankful that I am ABLE to exercise and thankful that I don't have to go to a gym after a long day at work...that I can go across our hall and work out in the privacy of our own home. I'm thankful for family and friends who've NEVER given up on me. They celebrated with me on my HUGE weight loss 5 years ago...and they continue to offer love and support as I work my way back down the scale.
I can honestly say, going into 2011, I'm SUPER excited about my next adventure. I plan to work hard, laugh everyday, love with all my heart and I will continue to love myself...one bite at a time, one decision at a time.