Here I am, just 2 days away from a weigh in. According to MY scale I'm down 14 lbs since my wedding. I would LOVE to hit 20 by the end of the year. I'm confident if I stay on course, count my points, track them and do my workout EVERY day I can reach the goal. I am able to really SEE it in my face and I put a pair of pants on yesterday that fit better than last month. It's the small things.
By now the family is getting used to me cooking again, every night. We had gotten really slack and were doing a LOT of eating out again. That is exactly how I put on 40lbs since moving here 3 years ago. Yes, 40lbs in 3 years, disgusting. Considering ALL that I went through to get 140 lbs OFF my body...all the exercise, all the hard work only to gain HALF of it back. The one thing I PROMISED myself and my family that I would NEVER EVER NEVER do again. This got me to thinking...I hadn't really made that lifestyle change. I was STILL rewarding myself with food. Ohhh date night, lets eat. Shopping trip today? Lets eat out. You made good grades? Lets eat out...on and on the excuses rolled and on and on the weight started piling back. I can look at pictures of us these past 3 years and there it is, right before me. There is no escaping a picture, it's in front of you and let's face it, some are more flattering than others. I look at my son's wedding and I remember how HUGE I felt, how no gown looked right on me and I settled for something that just fit. I remember just days before the wedding I chopped my hair off, in an attempt to do ANYTHING to make me feel better. It did not. I look at those pictures and I can see it in my eyes...sadness. I don't want to go back, it's a dark place, to be trapped in your own body and have nobody to blame, but yourself.
Fast forward to last night. I got back on my treadmill and pumped up my workout. I went 30 minutes and used the incline too. I burned off my entire lunch, which was a chicken salad sand which, light mayo on reduced calorie bread. Even so, I burned it off! It was a great feeling of accomplishment. I plan to do the same tonight. I had some discouraging news today. I wanted to purchase something BIG, but I will have to wait till next summer. I'm not calling my partner up to stir up a pity party that would eventually lead to, "Let's just go to dinner tonight, my treat." Nope, not doing it. I'll go home as normal, cook dinner and do my workout. I refuse to let "IT" win. I refer to "IT" as any obstacle that temps me to abuse food. Today, I will win. I can only account for TODAY. I can't worry about tomorrow or what happened last year. It's all about today and for now, right this minute, IT isn't winning. One bite at a time, one decision at a time.