Monday, November 22, 2010

I promise to tell the TRUTH, the WHOLE truth...even when it hurts

This is my blog, my journey to find CHRIS again. Somewhere between 1984 and now, I've lost her. I know it was before my 1st divorce but after my 1st was before I hit 341 LBS but after I graduated high school. Somewhere down the road, I lost me. I'm at the begining of my weight loss, just 8 LBS now..but not really. I need to back up. I had Gastric Bypass in 2003 and in less than a year, I lost 131 pounds. But this isn't my success story. It should have been, could have been, but it wasn't. I got comfortable, I started rewarding myself with food again. My old lover...the bastard. Food is a shitty lover. He makes you feel SO good while your enjoying him, but the SECOND the food is gone, he turns on you. He immediately tells you what a looser you are. He brings up the past and reminds you of thinner days. He points out all the people who mock you and he mocks right with them. He's a shitty lover and I hate him. I hate me more...because I have taken him back MILLIONS of times....but I'm done. I'm really done now. I know there are those in my life who will roll their eyes when I tell them I'm done. This is why I won't tell them...I can't. I won't let them be right, not this time.
For now, I keep this secret with just a few select. My team, my family & friends who have NEVER given up me. I love you Christy, Amanda, Abby, Cori and Mom. You never laugh at me, roll your eyes and you never ever give up on me. You have NO idea how much I need you all.

So here goes, my promise, to complete strangers, yes, but mostly, to myself. For the first time in my life, no more lies about my weight. This is the beginning of finding me again. I've lost her, but I'm determined to find her again....


  1. Good luck Chris! I found your blog via Bitchcakes' blog and I'll be reading and supporting from Brooklyn, NY.

  2. Will, that means SO much to me. I can share this with strangers, but not my family...yet.